JUN 19, 2024
BY NR.BALOCH
“How does that make you feel?” is the psychology question that is asked the most frequently. However, I discover that even other therapists who work with me are not very good at differentiating between “feelings” and “emotions.“
Feelings and emotions are terms that are nearly interchangeable in meaning for the majority of people. When I inquire, “How does that make you feel?” most people will probably make a general reference to what they are going through right now.
Ironically, the majority of people will react with a cognition rather than sensations or emotions.
As an illustration, “How did you feel when your husband did that?”
“I get the impression that he would rather play fantasy football than hang out with me.”
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Even from what they describe, you can probably relate to them. Someone may feel diminished, unimportant, disappointed, frustrated, depressed, and dejected if they would rather play a recreational game than spend time with others. Though they are not the same thing, we can infer feelings from thoughts.
But our response to being “angry” is not the same as our response to being “saddened.”
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Is your emotional intelligence higher than that of a two-year-old?
Two years old is my niece’s age. She laments that “her stomach hurts” a lot. something that her parents take care of because the family has a history of lactose intolerance. But after closer examination, we find that my young niece utilizes this feeling word to refer to a variety of meanings. She claims that in addition to feeling full and hungry, her stomach also “hurts” when she has a real stomachache. Her understanding of stomach pain is low-specific and generic, amounting to, “Any discomfort in my stomach indicates that my stomach hurts.” Determining the meaning of that suffering is considerably more challenging and requires more research.
Although my two-year-old niece appears to be developing properly in this regard, it turns out that many other people find it difficult to articulate their emotional experiences.
Terms like “stressed,” “overwhelmed,” and “upset” are frequently used, but they are not quite as precise as my niece’s nebulous “stomach hurting.”
A sign of low emotional intelligence is this. Low emotional intelligence is a concern because, similar to my niece, we are unable to properly care to our needs if we are unable to differentiate between our feelings. Do we continue feeding my niece, quit feeding her, or take her to the doctor when her “stomach hurt”?
Similarly, what does it mean when someone describes themselves as “stressed”? Regretfully, most people lack intuition when it comes to… (After all, that’s one of the reasons they attend therapy sessions, right?)
Comprehending Emotions
Changes in experience fall under the broad topic of feelings. Emotional shifts are rare in most feelings. You most likely experience hundreds, if not thousands, of little, imperceptible mood swings every day.
Arousal and valence are the two quantifiable characteristics of feelings in general. Our ability to judge whether an emotion is desirable or not is known as valence. Experiences with positive valence are desired, while those with negative valence are not.
Our perception of whether an emotion increases or decreases our energy is known as arousal. Negative arousal lowers our energy and stifles motivation, but positive arousal boosts our vitality, attentiveness, and motivation.
The chemicals in caffeine raise our arousal when we have a cup of coffee in the morning! The valence of coffee in the morning is also favorable for many people, while other people find that too much energy is not a good thing.
Emotions are not what most feelings are. For instance, there are many declaratively felt sensations that are not emotions, such as thirst, hunger, the need to use the restroom, itching, aches, and pains, alertness, and weariness.
Once more, mood swings happen all day long and are usually so slight that we barely notice them. Sensitive (and usually subconscious) physiological changes in the body, particularly in the brain, that take place spontaneously during the day and in response to environmental stimuli are reflected in feelings.
Our emotions become most apparent to us when they shift abruptly or very fast.
Thus, when does a negative valence, negative arousal experience turn into “sadness”? That depends on the circumstances surrounding the case.
Interpretation: Distinguishing Between Sensations and Affects
Meaning distinguishes between feeling and emotion, according to the Theory of Constructed Emotions. “What does this mean, how I feel?”
We don’t always have an emotional response if we recognize that being hungry just indicates that we need food.
We may become irritable, or what is lovingly known as “Hangry,” if we are hungry and realize that we need to eat but do not think we will be able to in the near future.
When our emotions are not clearly expressed, they are frequently left up for interpretation. Is it true that we are depressed when we experience “negative valence and negative arousal” while we are by ourselves? Feeling lonely? Discouraged? Are we simply exhausted after a long day?
We could label this emotion as “Grief” if we recently lost something significant.
What transpires then when you experience low-definition stress? Arousal is positive while stress is usually negative valence. Although it gives us energy, stress usually makes us uncomfortable. A lot of us have experienced “taking out” our “stress” on the people we care about. When our significant other enters the room while we are anxious, we could mistakenly assign our emotions to them. In this instance, even if they are not the primary source of our tension, the feeling of “annoyed” surfaces as we try to make sense of it.
Individuals who are unable to distinguish between emotions and feelings are not good at understanding the significance of their experiences. We may react inconsistently and ineffectively from one scenario to the next if we lack emotional intelligence, as different feelings and emotions prompt diverse actions.
This implies that people who feel bad about themselves but find it hard to express it are also not good at coping on a regular basis.
In certain circumstances, “stress” might turn into melancholy, in others into anxiety, and in yet others into rage. You probably don’t cope with sadness the same way you cope with anger, but if you “can’t tell the difference,” you can unintentionally try to handle sadness the same way you handle anger, or vice versa.
Start by routinely asking yourself these three questions to see if you, like many others, find it difficult to distinguish between your feelings and emotions:
(1) How do I feel right now?
Do I feel well? Do I feel awful? Am I in the middle? Is my mood learning in any direction if I feel neutral?
(2) How much energy do I currently have?
Do I feel awake, focused, and invigorated? I’m in a relationship? Or am I just feeling more exhausted or listless? Does it feel like my energy is increasing or decreasing if I am in the middle?
(3) What is meant by the way I feel?
What is happening that is causing your feelings to shift? What is it that you believe you must do?
Furthermore, it is very possible that your feelings are meaningless. Once more, physiological and environmental changes cause our sentiments to naturally fluctuate throughout the day. Before you jump to the conclusion that something is wrong, consider whether you just need to get some rest, eat, or take care of yourself in some other way if you are depressed.
But occasionally, the answer to the issue of what your feelings imply will be more evident, and in such instance, you can respond to your sentiments more successfully. Reach out to a buddy if you’re lonely, engage in something fun if you’re bored, find a means to decompress if you’re sad, or find a technique to calm down if you’re nervous.
More importantly, it’s crucial to remember that monitoring our emotions on a daily basis makes it easier for us to determine whether they are important or unimportant. You will inevitably experience uncomfortable, unpleasant, and stressful feelings at various times during the day. These emotions are frequently unimportant and petty, but they are nonetheless discernible.
To put it another way, we should ask ourselves, “Is this a feeling or is it an emotion?” more often. Our ability to distinguish between the two will unavoidably improve the more times we question ourselves.
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